Gender Equality advocates, the Ash Montana Deck, Abeokuta, Nigeria and the Amerikana1 Deck, United States of America of the National Association of Seadogs, popularly known as Pyrates Confraternity, have stressed the need for men to be reoriented in their thinking and attitude towards women and the girl-child for the betterment of the society.
The Gender Equality activists spoke on the Panorama programme of the Splash FM 106.7 sponsored by both the Ash Montana Deck and the Amerikana1 Deck of the National Association of Seadogs in Abeokuta, Ogun State capital, in commemoration of the March 8, 2023 International Women’s Day with the theme: “Embrace Equity.”
The three Guest Speakers and Gender Equality activists, Dr Oluwakemi Oni of the Agricultural Department, Federal College of Education, Osiele, Abeokuta, who is also Chairman, Colleges of Education Academic Staff Union (COEASU) and member, Gender Development Initiative Organisation; Comrade Becky Thorpe, a freelance broadcaster, who is also Chairman of Academic Staff Union of Research Institutions, a child safety advocate and gender equality campaigner and Olubukanla Adesanwo of the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, Toronto, Canada, analysed the various challenges confronting Nigerian women and the girl-child against the backdrop of men’s thinking and behaviour with regard to gender issues.
Speaking on the theme of the 2023 IWD, Oni said that the patriarchal nature of the training and upbringing given the boy-child from childhood conferred on the menfolk superiority complex against the female gender.
She expressed regret that this warped orientation given the boy-child from childhood usually resulted in him developing superiority complex in his dealings with the female gender in his adulthood.
The COEASU chairman added that this situation has created problem for women and the girl-child who are now seen and treated as the inferior gender by men.
Drawing from her experience as the chairman of a male-dominated union, Oni advised both women and men on the steps to take to address the problem of gender inequality.
According to her, “First, let’s look at it this way, humanity. As far as I’m concerned, as a realist, as a naturalist, I believe that humanity is one. God created us equally. So, now what causes the inequality? Why are we being sidelined? I want to look at my experience because we believe so much more in experience than what we read or study in books. Fine, I wanted to become the chairman of the Union, COEASU, the challenges that I had then, I believe that those are the challenges that many women are facing. That’s just the true life story. That’s just a personal experience; that is what many women are facing. And what are the challenges? Number one, my husband says no. my family says no you can’t do it, it’s a man’s job. Number three, the friends and so many other people. So, these are the obstacles and reasons why we cannot do it.
“But I want to tell all women, if you’re passing through this stage, let me tell you that there are many ways that you can overcome this and what are these ways? Number one, know your existence of purpose, know the reason why you’re on this earth. Find out that purpose and the moment you find out the purpose, you’ve overcome one stage. Then after finding out your purpose, the next challenge is how to carry out my duty because this thing has actually taught me that my own duty is quite different from your duty. And that’s what made me to believe in the course that I teach my students in the college: Introduction to Genetics because there are variations, traits, differences and we’re unique in our own way. What I will do is quite different from what you’ll do. The work that God has given me to come and do in the world is quite different from that of my husband. And there’s this thing in me that kept on disturbing me that someone somewhere needs your attention and you must work and have to fight it. Not physical fight, not abusing, not agitating, not by force. So, all women should also imbibe this culture.”
In the same vein, the second guest speaker, Comrade Becky Thorpe, blamed parents for discriminating and differentiating between the childhood training and upbringing given the female and the male child.
Thorpe said while the female child is being trained to do all the chores and undertake other domestic and family responsibilities, the male child is handled in such a way that he’s given the impression of being superior to the girl-child.
This impression, she said is carried into adulthood by the male child who goes on to exhibit superiority complex over women in his marriage and at work.
She, however, decried a situation where men constitute themselves to impediments to the growth and advancement of women and the girl-child due to the wrong orientation given them by their parents from childhood.
Thorpe said, “Number one, they’ll tell you it’s a man’s job, you can’t do it. Even when you’re trying to do it, they’ll say you’re bossy. Even in the office, if you’re a lady and you’re put in the position of authority, somehow the men are intimidated. They’ll say ‘how can a woman talk to me like that?’ How can a woman give me instructions, give me a schedule of duty to perform?
“In the first instance, in Africa, our perspective is quite different from those in the Diaspora, in the Western world, we’re different. In Africa, we believe that the man must be heard. A woman should not be heard. If you check some of our cultures like where I come from, Delta State. You’ll find that there is this kind of struggle for the women to talk. I think they have overcome it. So, it gives everybody a level playing field for people to talk where I come from. But when you go to other cultures, it’s like how can women talk.
“This thing starts from home. Parents have boys and girls but you train them differently and I don’t know why. You tell the girl you’re supposed to be in the kitchen, you’re supposed to do this and that and the boy-child, you’re not asking him to do the same thing. And you find that some of the toxicity we have in relationships and the challenges emanated from the root, the family.”
She pleaded with the menfolk to allow the women and the girl-child the freedom to express themselves and their God-given talent without any let or hindrance.
The gender activist said, “The challenge you face is that the background of the men we have in the African setting is patriarchal. Ok, a man must be in charge, why won’t a woman be in charge? After all, it is women who make the world go round. If you check the different sectors of the economy, the women are there. In broadcasting, the women are there. In politics, they are there. They are everywhere, why should the woman not be allowed to talk? That’s one. You’re intimidated by woman. That’s one of the challenges you face. Number three, the fact that you’re doing a man’s job, that one is there. Two, the men are intimidated by your confidence. Number three, the family background. We have trained our children who have become adults to think that a woman should not talk and it is not right. When you’re in a relationship, and you have a husband who says I’m the head, that home will never go straight. There’ll be toxicity in that relationship.
“Now, let’s look at the office. The fact that you’re a woman, they’ll tell you a woman cannot do the job of an engineer. Why can’t I fix that electricity problem, why can’t I go up the ladder, why can’t I do POP, why can’t I fix the sound system in the studio? All these things emanated from the fact that our family background as Africans, the black people, I’m not talking from the books, I’m talking from my own background as a Nigerian woman. You face these things and all these things emanate from the family. Equity has to do with fairness and justice and you consider the fact that individuals are from different backgrounds, they are coming from different perspectives about life and how life should be and different cultural heritages, different cultural norms and values. We have all these differences.
“Now, if you look at the society, especially the cultural ones in Nigeria, you’ll find out that some people are still in the dark age. That a woman should not be seen, a woman should not talk and if you look at that particular society, they don’t give credence to women to have a voice. You find out that that society remains in the dark. They are backward. If you do not allow your women to speak, women are very intelligent, although sometimes we could be talkative, if you look at the intent, God made women to be helpmates, to be helpers. So, if you do not realise that God has given every woman that thing to contribute in your culture, you must begin to go beyond ‘my culture says women should not talk.’”
She condemned the intimidation and harassment of women by men in politics with a view to suppressing their wishes and sacrificing their interests for that of the male gender.
Thorpe said, “Talking about the Presidency and National Assembly, that’s a tall dream. Look at the local government councillorships, are women involved? Even in local politics are women involved? A woman will tell you ‘my children.’ ‘I’m pregnant.’ ‘My husband says’, ‘My husband’s family says.’ This society we all find ourselves when they see a woman in politics that is even rising from one step to another, they’ll say she’s giving out her body. Oh, she has done this and that. With that mind-set alone, some women cannot face that criticism that they get from the public. So, they kind of refrain from getting involved in politics. That’s talking about the local level. And eve when you find yourself in a particular political party, the menfolk will not allow the woman to rest. They’ll begin to make advances to her unnecessarily as if they had never seen a woman before.”
Several callers also made contributions and expressed their thoughts on the live phone-in radio programme.
The guest speakers and callers commended National Association of Seadogs (NAS) for sponsoring the radio programme to commemorate this year’s International Women’s Day (IWD).
